1. Static.
2. Light switches and static electricity.
3. Car doors and static electricity.
4. Dull gray skies.
5. Dull gray skies that don't produce snow.
6. Misshapen snowmen who look like they're in the process of some form of asexual reproduction.
7. Slick driveways.
8. The idea a large, fat man in red is allowed to come into your house every December 24th and if you call the cops, they just hang up on you.
9. Yellow snow.
10. Brown snow.
11. Red snow. O_O
12. Ice cream always tastes better, but it is hard to drive and eat Rocky Road on slick roads.
13. You get weird stares for eating ice cream when it's cold.
14. You wonder if there's some social law against eating ice cream when it's cold and this gets your mind off of the slick road.
15. You crash and the police officer responding to the crash takes a look at your damaged ice cream cone and shakes his head.
16. Your toes and feet cry out for fresh air. You end up wearing ear plugs so you don't have to hear them. They respond by giving you athlete's foot and making it uncomfortable in public showers at the gym.
17. Moms at Wal-Mart fighting over Tickle Me Elmo's and Hannah Montana holiday collection dolls.
18. The Salvation Army ringers. They ring their bells again and again and again until the sound is implanted into your brain and the only way to make it stop is to tackle the Santa guy, but that would be a violation of social law, so you go around for two hours with ringing in your mind. You now despise Santa Claus for another reason other than breaking into your home.
19. Someone always ends up dying and you worry they won't be able to crack open the frozen ground, so your house will get voted on to keep the body.
20. After said body is kept in your garage for a few days, you notice that packs of hot chocolate keep disappearing and ending up in the toilet. No one else lives with you.
21. 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family always features those cheesy movies in the month of December. You don't hate this, but you hate to have to lie to your boss again and again about your "stomach flu" in order to watch Frosty the Snowman.
22. You run out of tissues for your cold after watching Frosty melt.
23. All of those family members you've never heard of keep sending you Christmas cards. The only thing you've bought for a kinfolk is a beer last Sunday when you went out with your sister to the bar downtown. You throw away the card.
24. The body is gone from the garage, but the hot chocolate packages keep disappearing.
25. Christmas. Songs. Nonstop.
-Somewhere Only We Know
Kaila Nicole
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