Burdens

A different ending to Bones' "Wannabe in the Weeds."
There's not a feeling in the world that competes with the agony than knowing you couldn't save your partner.
Losing your parent or child, that's hard. But it's still not your fault. Having your partner look you square in the face and tell you that they want you to complete their last wish- that's like lighting your body on fire and figuring out that you're not flammable. You feel the flames licking, but you can't escape from it.
That's the burden. But these burdens, they have more than enough weight to let you know they're there. They feel like bricks, thousands of bricks crushing you until there's nothing left but your five senses: you can see the thick, red liquid pouring out of your best friend, you can smell the stark gun powder, you can hear the ragged breaths, you can taste the copper in your mouth, and you can feel the blood pouring out and it amazes you that a person could hold that much inside of them. You think their body is filled with stupid jokes and useless information, but still, there's the other stuff that keeps them alive. The stuff that's running out. Their time is running out. You preferred the times you couldn't see the blood, but now you can and it's useless trying to get away from it, trying to run away from it, even though that's what your brain is telling you to do.
"Bones, we've got to get help." I tell her, plead to her, but she keeps shaking her head.
"Don't leave. Don't leave." And I don't. Because I'm her partner, because I'd die for her and I'm pretty sure she would throw herself in front of a train to save me- and I would never allow that to happen. Of course, here we were and I am eating my words. They don't taste good, mixed with the taste of her blood, and I want to throw up everything inside of me. Including my heart because it's always been hers and right now, right here, is the only appropriate time we have left for me to hand it over.
"Don't leave. Don't leave." We're both repeating this, now, mine in the same tone as hers. "Damn it, Bones, don't leave me behind. Don't leave me behind."
She never was good at listening to me.


-Kaila Nicole