Backwards

This excerpt is not even close to the beginning. I just need to get it out onto something, even though it will probably change once my mind sets back into motion. Truly, this may not even be part of the story. I'm just typing this to help pass the time while my sister and I watch Wolverine, and since I've already seen it, I figured I would get on here. Enjoy.
The truck ride back from the hospital was a bumpy one and it seemed that every single pot hole in Wilsard County decided to be on the specific road Nathan took. The tires jostled, allowing the truck to shake, rattle, but luckily not roll. Other than the pot holes, the ride was uncomfortably silent. Not even a carving knife could have cut the tension, as cliche as that sounds.
"Well, are you going to say anything?" I scooted closer to the door, my fingers tapping against the old leather.
"There's nothing to say, Nate." He chuckled wryly.
"Nothing to say? That's funny. You know, I'm thinking that you're lying again, like you do all the time, because I definitely know there's something for you to say."
"And what would that be?" I turned sharply towards him, eyes narrowed and my fingernails stabbing into my palm.
"That you're sorry for all the trouble you've caused the past month you've been here, Cale! That you're sorry you've put my baby sister in a hospital because of you and your paparazzi. That-"
"Oh, shut up, Nate," His eyes widened from my outburst, "She's going to be fine, you heard the doctor. You're just disappointed in me- like you always are- because I'm not perfect like your fiance. Just admit it. She was everything you wanted, smart, schooled, and charming. And now she's gone so you're taking your anger for her out on me."
"You are more screwed up in the head than I thought-"
"No, Nate, you are," I gasped for a breath as I felt the anger I had built up for the past four years explode inside of my chest, "You can't let go of her so you decide to blame me for every single one of your problems. Guess what? I AM actually sorry for you, Nate. I'm sorry she cheated on you and left you for a boy-band wanna-be who owns three cribs in Maui. I am sorry. But I am not sorry for the crap you've blamed on me- saying that I almost killed your sister, when in fact, the only one who was in danger was me, but I'm not holding that against you."
"Stop throwing your mushy bull in my face. You at least have to own up to the fact that none of this would have happened if you hadn't left. If you hadn't abandoned your father after your mother-" Another emotion was mixing with my anger, something I didn't want to feel. I had tried my hardest for grief to stay out of my system, but somehow, like it was my addiction, it kept coming back, in waves and waves.
"Don't you dare talk about her, Nate. Don't play that card with me. You have no right."
"Just like you had no right trying to murder my sister and leaving me without a word?"
"I told you exactly what I was doing! You knew how much I hated being here, with everyone telling me how sorry they were. I got fed up with it, so I just had to leave."
"The only reason you left was because your mom wasn't holding you back anymore. You even admitted that to me the night you left." The door handle was warm underneath my touch; surprising, because a guy as cold as Nathan deserved a cold-hearted automobile. The pavement whizzed past on the side of the road, trees, bushes, fences all becoming a blur to me. I was spinning and spinning, like I had that breezy afternoon, the day my mom left me behind, as I swang innocently on the swing set in the backyard. That was before the gun shot. Before the ambulance and my father crying silently on the front porch. "You just need to own up to what you've done. I know I have. I've forgiven Hannah for cheating on me and I've forgiven myself for letting you go." The breath in my lungs went out with a whoosh.
"Letting me go?" The truck jostled again.
"I hated myself for letting you run away. If I had stopped you, maybe we would be in a better place."
"You can't live in the past, Nate," the ground was so close, just right there below me. He probably wouldn't even stop and check on me. I could just disappear on the road, like the white lines and road markers. "You've got to let go." And with that, I tugged on the handle and watched the overgrown grass of a horse pasture scrape at my bare feet.
"Cale, what are you-" The earth beneath me stung- after all, Nate had been going down the road about 45- but I tucked and rolled to a stop against the base of an old hickory tree. Up ahead, I saw the brake lights flash in the drizzling rain. Within ten seconds, my entire body was soaked and I heard my dad's voice, telling me I was going to catch a cold. "Cale! What the hell are you thinking?!" I don't know what I was thinking. Well, maybe I did. Right then, though, it didn't matter.
"I need to get out of here." I told myself and rolled into a sitting position, the rain stinging my face and the wind pushing my hair as it whistled and whipped past.
"Cale!" I sprung up onto my feet and took off down the road, glancing back only once to see Nathan- my best friend, my best bud, my best... whatever he was now- standing in the rain, alone, his arms hanging loose at his sides, his brow furrowed, and his mouth half-open. Perhaps he was going to call me back to him. And perhaps it would have worked. Maybe I would have stopped. But, then, we'll never know, because just like me, no one else can go back and take the words, take the moments back.
He did call after me, he did chase after me, but I was gone- far too gone- for anyone but himself to hear his pleas or see the road swallow me up as I sprinted around the bend and was gone from sight.
If I had heard him, sure, I might have stopped. But it's just one of those things I'll never know.


Like I said, this is just a very, very, very rough draft of my story. If nothing makes sense, good, because you probably won't understand it anyway. By the time I really type this out, this scene and every single word in this passage will probably have changed. but whatever. I just need something to bide my time with.

-Kaila Nicole